So Thankful for this kid and for my Amazing supportive husband and wonderful Family & friends. Happy Thanksgiving

So all is well over here, or as well as can be expected. I am working hard. It has already been a month and I have been on my own for the last few weeks. I enjoy my job and feel thankful to be working. We are trying to stay positive and hopeful that John will soon be offered a job as well. It has been tough and we are struggling with the whole role reversal. We are bickering more and over the silliest things, we know that it is the bigger issue at hand causing all the strife. We just try to communicate and work at it.

I am sometimes angry with John, and when he is not doing things around the house or with our daughter the way I want them to be done... this just adds fuel to the fire. I hate feeling angry & resentful. It is complex and hard to articulate. I want to be a better person & more supportive wife. I just don't know what to do with all these feelings. So many people have said " Give John a break".... and while I understand that being a SAHD overnight is no walk in the park. I did it all and more. I am not asking him to do anything I did not do myself, and I know it is hard. I am trying and struggling with letting go and realizing he has to do things his own way. It has been difficult and we are trying our best.


Just like he had to suddenly become Mr. Mom, I had to suddenly become a working woman, who is now working more hours than I intended so that I can obtain health insurance. I feel pressure and stress. I feel the pressure to keep us afloat. I have no issues with being the bread winner, I just don't earn enough bread.I struggle with finding my way and fitting into a world that I have been gone from for so many years. My new role is no walk in the park either. The legal world can feel especially daunting and intimidating. I have had to work my ass off and branch out of my comfort zone on a daily basis.

ok. so maybe everything is not well... but we are coping and working hard to make it better

John & I went to see New Moon last night and then went out to dinner. Big Thanks to Sarah for babysitting. Truly a labor of love for John to sit in a theater of teens & soccer Mom's all squealing & giggling. It's no secret that I have a wee little crush on RPattz. While watching the movie, I was a little concerned whether John would be following the story line and there were some annoying team Jacob annoying girls next to me who giggled & talked at the screen through the entire movie. I was able to fill John in on what happened in the first movie over dinner. We had a really nice time and I am going to insist that we have monthly date nights. Next time he can pick the movie.

I loved the movie. Big improvements in the acting department. Kristen is less twitchy and annoying as Bella and more likable. We can all relate to her heartbreak and She was Bella in my eyes. Charlie is also lovable as well as the other Humans... Mike & Jessica, while they have small parts they really shine. Huge improvements in the makeup department too.... but I still liked the look of Twilight's Edward versus New Moons Edward. Maybe it's the hair? I hate the lipstick on Edward... why mess with perfection. The movie was true to the book and the director did Amazing work. I think Twilight had a more raw emotional independent feel, while this one has a smoother and definitely a higher budget feel and is more about the special effects. I loved the way they depicted the passage of time while Bella was depressed. I wish they would have spent more time in the beginning of the movie reconnecting us with Bella & Edward.


I wanted to see them together more and feel that connection that is in the first movie. Jacob really shines in this one and at some points I was totally team Jacob, the fact that his shirt is off most of the time might have swayed me. Trust me you will be swooning over Jacobs body the way you swooned over Edwards charm & jaw. Total ab-tastic hawtness steaming from jail-bait Jacob. Truly his body is worth the ticket price. Great special effects, stunning scenery, and generally awesome movie. It was just missing that emotional intensity and I thought I would get that at the end. I was expecting the Clock tower scene to have a little more impact on me. I need to see it again just to check out the umm... scenery.


What did you think?

and so she is Five.... five is a big deal... it feels like the new seven.... five year olds are way too mature for my taste. She is so happy and delighted with her gifts. I always think I should have bought her more. She got five presents for turning five... not sure that was the smartest tradition to start as she is only gonna get older. From John & I she received a HM singing barbie, who she quickly stripped down to put the clothes on her fav barbie. She also has a new singing HM shirt & a hat, a barbie suitcase to store all of her dolls and another barbie game.


She is just so grown up and it happened so fast. She is just growing everywhere. We swear she must be going through another growth spurt because she is eating like a line backer. I have high hopes for five. This past year has been the roughest year by far behavior wise, but also equally adorable. Now she is learning to read, her new goal is to master the jump rope , and her life's ambition is to be a Mommy. It seems each age brings new surprises and challenges. It's not easy to put into words what makes Livi so special. She is boisterous, fun loving, spontaneous and has a laugh that can melt your heart. In those brown eyes of hers are a seriousness and sensitivity that no five year old should possess. There is hurt and hope and she behaves accordingly to how she is feeling. She is a puzzle.

I am so ready for five. Something tells me this is going to be the best year yet

Happy Birthday Livi Grace.... we love you

Every time I make a cake.. I end up a sweaty mess and tell myself I will just buy one next year. Yet making a birthday cake for my child is something I waited a long time to do. It's not the baking but the frosting that frustrates me. I even bought a decorating bag. No gadgets can help me. I did make homemade butter-cream frosting and I think we ate more than we frosted with. Livi is thrilled with her cake.. Purple & Pink just like she wanted. She is easy to please. So just like my Mom would ask me.. I asked Livi what she wanted for her Birthday feast. I told her I would cook her anything at all. She need only ask. She asked for a kid cuisine Tv dinner. I thought for sure she would request Fettuccine Alfredo with Chicken & broccoli..... her typical favorite. I guess when I was that age TV dinners were exciting. I remember requesting frozen pot pies. Today I would request Pot Roast or her Fried Chicken... keep that in mind Mom.. My Birthday is coming up.


Tomorrow my little girl turns Five...... she is growing up so fast.

We have had a rough month with Livi. Big changes on the home-front with Mama working and Daddy staying home were enough to justify some of the behaviors. Then HINI flu and four immunizations added to the crankiness. Cutting out her after school 3-5 nap is also taking a toll on her. John & I try our best to come together and to be a consistent team.... we struggle with this... he often wants to take items away from her and to be punitive. I usually am trying to delve deeper but I also have my less than stellar moments. I call everyday at lunch and hear in his voice how his day had been. For once he is getting the brunt of it. I am happy to be at work. He gets it now. I can't explain it. She is so persistent. She will fight to the death to defend a issue. Reverse psychology and all that you would do with a homegrown kiddo fails to work on Liv. It's like she is in self preservation mode.

John is way more patient than I am , while I am more nurturing. It is really hard to balance. She could spend an entire day in time out for her recent behavior. We are trying to turn the other cheek and trying not to feel like we are being too indulgent. I brought out the star wallet- a positive reinforcement picture reminder program. We are trying all the positive tools in our toolbox. Everyone tells me that it will get better and to be honest... it just seems to get worse and more intense the older she gets. For the past month screaming, crying, fits, defiance have been a daily occurrence. Not pushing buttons but jumping on them. The highs & lows of her emotions worry me.Obviously she does not handle changes very well. And I know this is a big change for any child. So we are just trying to make sense of it all.


Now suddenly.... she is doing a little better. It like she just up & decided she was ready. Just the typical stuff that only a few days ago would cause major tantrums. Now I am getting " Ok Mommy" and " I love you Mommy" and " anything for you Mommy". I am so pleased with her behavior and am doing everything I can to encourage her. I am also spending as much time as I can with her. She seems to be more secure with the fact that I am working. Her Birthday is in two days and we keep talking up that she will soon be a big five year old. It makes me nervous to think that her routine is just going to change again once John works and she attends daycare.

I am just so happy that for today she is happy, pleasant and peaceful... I will take whatever good I can get

The last new coat I purchased was in 2001. I usually buy a quality wool/cashmere coat and that will last me years. My old coat is pretty well worn and the lining is ripped. I have been coveting a few Jcrew coats, but it is not in the budget at this time... sigh. Old navy has some lovely coats on sale.. beautiful jewel tones and the princess shapes I have been wanting. Burgundy is one of my fav colors.... but they just looked horrible on. I don't do well with Old Navy's outerwear sizing. I was in between sizes. I wanted a dress coat with princess seams. I really wanted this one... but they don't have my size. I found a look alike from Victoria's secret new on ebay and it fits perfect. It is very flattering. Squee... now I need accessories

Napping house is my very Favorite Children's book... anyway...It's after 3.30 and everyone is sleeping...everyone but me... apparently it was one of those days again.