My life is so exciting that I have succumbed to blogging about what I am baking..hey I have to write about something. Don't worry there will be more hair posts in the future.. I am hoping to get my hair cut& colored within a few weeks and that is always an interesting blog topic.


Our neighbor shared some of his garden Zucchini... he gave me the biggest Zucchini I have ever seen.. I decided to make some bread. I have never made Zucchini bread before but I love to bake. One loaf is for our neighbor.


Don't you just love the Internet... the cookbooks I do own are all packed up.. so I just google a recipe and read reviews and decided which variation to attempt. I sometimes make up my very own recipe variation based on reviews and helpful suggestions. I have a huge pet peeve with recipe reviews.... they usually go something like this

"I did not have any Zucchini so I used grated carrots and substituted applesauce for the oil and half brown sugar and half molasses.. I did not have any cinnamon so I used nutmeg, and I only had two eggs and no baking powder.. my bread tasted funny... this is not a good recipe"


I am not making that up. I am all for being creative and making a recipe your own, but you can only substitute so much. As for this recipe.. I would have added another cup of Zucchini. The crumb topping on this makes it very yummy. Grandma Maly... this is even better than yours.


Zucchini Bread Recipe

preheat oven to 325.... grease & flour two loaf pans ( makes two loafs)


3 eggs
1 cup Veg oil
2 cups white sugar
2 cups grated Zucchini
2 teaspoons good vanilla
3 cups flour
3 teaspoons cinnamon
1/4 tsp baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup walnuts


Beat eggs until frothy
add oil, sugar, Zucchini and vanilla
add all dry ingredients.. a little at a time
bake 60-70 minutes

Yummy Crunchy topping

3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup flour
1-2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 cup chopped walnuts
2 tablespoons butter

mix well and top loaves before baking

This stay at home mom business is hard work... but the perks are very nice. Like spending a day at the beach. We are lucky to live very close to the lake and have a beach nearby ( off rt 306 & lakeshore) for you locals. It's a little hidden gem and I have never seen our lake so clear,clean and blue. Livi is just so beautfiul in these pics.. my little coppertone baby.

During our Party on Saturday I took some gentle teasing regarding my beliefs and positive attitude business.That is fine.. I can take the teasing. I have been wanting to go back to Jazzercise and since I am not getting paid to blog(yet)... I have not had the extra cash lately. I told John I wanted to be able to return to Jazzercise and he gave me this look and said something like " How will we afford that?" .... I responded that it would all work itself out...I would put it out to the Universe and trust that it would come to fruition.


So at the party they are joking about how we should start calling John
" Mr. Universe" since I just seem to have this innate trust that all will be ok, meanwhile John is stressing and coming up with ways to make things work and afford everything. I work hard as well.. I just try not to stress over it.

So everyone is joking and I am telling them about how I need money for Jazzercise and how I am trusting that we will work out a way to afford it.. Soon some friends arrived late to the party and give John almost the exact amount of money that we need to pay for exercise ( it was some unexpected money from John's bowling kitty) and John yells out.... "Hey Lauri... The Universe just sent you your jazzercise money."


Guess what... I went to jazzercise last night.. Thank You Universe and Thank You John for knowing how important it is for me to work out ... never doubt the power of positive thinking ( a generous husband does not hurt either)





Proponents of the modern 'Law of Attraction' claim that it has roots in Quantum Physics. According to the 'law of attraction', thoughts have an energy that attracts like energy. In order to control this energy, proponents claim people must practice four things:

1.Know what one desires and ask the universe for it. (The "universe" is mentioned broadly, stating that it can be anything from God to an unknown source of energy.)

2.Focus one's thought upon the thing desired with great feeling such as enthusiasm or gratitude.
3.Feel and behave as if the object of one's desire is on its way.
4.Be open to receiving it


thinking of what one does not have, manifests it self in the perpetuation of not having. Proponents say that by abiding by these, and avoiding "negative" thoughts, the Universe will manifest a person's desires

Today marks the day that Livi has been with us longer than she has been an Orphan.. she was 16 months at the time of adoption and today marks the 16 month anniversary of Family/Coming Home Day ( March 30th 2006)


I don't know why this is so monumental for me.. maybe because I figure now she has memories and moments that can trump her Detsky Dom/baby home life... I remember in our first few months home... I always felt like Livi was thinking " Ok.. this is nice and all.. nice toys... nice food... but when in the hell are you people taking me back to my family & friends"...... "Ok people.. I am serious.. take me back to Russia.. pronto" it's like she was homesick in a way... makes perfect sense.. that was the only family & only home she ever knew. Imagine how hard that is for our little ones.


We have been home 16 months today... we still have mommy shopping and she gets clingy the day after a party... she still struggles with attachment... but without a doubt.. this is home to her and we are her parents.


I wonder how much she recalls of her first 16 months of life.. I think she remembers much more that I probably even realize. I wont be surprised if once she is able to better verbalize her feelings that she will be able to tell us about her memories.


Happy 16 month anniversary Livi

I think we have been pushing the " You were born in Russia" topic a little too much...


Livi how old are you? Russia

What is your last name? Russia

Are you a boy or Girl? Russia?

Where is Russia Livi? Upstairs ( where her globe is located)

Anytime she see's a globe or a church similar to St.Basils .... "Look Mommy Russia!"


Last night when saying our prayers.... I say God bless Our whole family.. and then we name a few names.. Babu, Grandpa,Aunties,Cousins,Amy, Natalie etc.....Livi gets really serious... and then she said "God bless our family who sits on chairs in our Garage" I cracked up.. she is right... our whole family sat in the Garage during the party because its the only shady area in our entire yard.


She is too funny... yes Livi.. May God bless our family & friends who sit in chairs in our Garage

This article makes my point, as does this one,and this article and this article and lastly this article.

Now on to my Post.... I don't believe that Sugar makes children hyper... I worked as a preschool teacher for 15 consecutive years. I have seen parents who do not allow any refined sugars, red dyes, chemicals and those who give their children Mountain Dew & pop tarts for breakfast... children get hyper & excited for various reasons. It is usually the situation and not the sugar.

Think about it... in what situations are children most likley to have extra sugar?- Parties, Birthdays, Halloween, Christmas... those events in themselves are exciting and fun filled events... It's the events people.. not the sugar.

I try to offer Livi a balanced diet and she gets sugar in moderation. She eats bran cereal and plenty of fruits & veggies. I don't make a habit of giving her sugar, but I dont avoid it.. she eats cookies & M&M's.Parties are a different thing all together.. I like to indulge a little during parties so I allowed Livi to have things I normally would not.( Kool aid & cupcakes)

Yesterday John told me he was not happy with the amount of Sugar I allowed Olivia to have during our party, that she was hyper and bouncing off the walls because of it.... No..she was hyper because we had 30 people at our home, she was excited, over stimulated, nervous at times, clingy at times, and just active & excited. It was the situation causing those behaviors... not the sugar. This is how Livi behaves when she is overstimulated and has behaved this way before with no extra sugar in her diet. John & I are always discussing the Great Sugar debate. Maybe because I am with her all of the time and I can see how she behaves when overstimulated ( school, Mall, playdates) and sugar has nothing to do with it. He attributes any hyperactivity to the cookie I gave her.



Now I did allow Livi more sugar that normal yesterday.. John says I allowed her to have at least six cupcakes... It was more like four.What John did not see is that she kept falling with her cupcake, or sharing hers with Natalie, or allowing me to hold hers while she played and then she would come back and get it. She would put it down and come back to it.She was just licking the frosting and she only had a cupcake after she ate some real food. It's not like she was parked on her tushy eating cupcake after cupcake. She was busy playing.


I honestly believe that if Livi had not a drop of sugar... that she would have behaved the exact same way. It was the situation.

What is your view on the great Sugar debate?


A meta-analysis of 23 studies which had been conducted over a period of 12 years from 1982 to 1994 has been completed (205), to test the hypothesis that sugar (mainly sucrose) affects the behaviour or cognitive performance of children. This analysis did not find support for the hypothesis. In conclusion, there is little objective evidence to suggest that sugar significantly alters the behaviour or cognitive performance of children. It is not appropriate to recommend restricting a child's sugar intake for the purpose of trying to control their behaviour. If behaviour problems exist, it is important to identify the underlying reasons and to seek the existing and more rigorously established interventions for their treatment.




"The research is very clear. Sugar does not make a child hyperactive," Nonas said.

Today was our Third Annual Summer Cookout.... its always fun to see and spend quality time with Family & Friends.. we lucked out and had a beautiful day.

I figure I will break up my venting posts ( see below)with a few pics here & there...

So thanks for the advice on the wall art... I decided not to choose either of those pictures. This is typical of me. John is reading this with a huge head nod.. because I always hem & haw over a choice and end up choosing something different anyway. I just really liked the way these castle prints turned out.

Here is her new wall art and the bookcase I want John to make.... It still looks cute on the yellow walls.. which will do for now... but Pink would look cuter.

I came across this article on spoiled children.. interesting. I think the biggest assumption some people make is that Livi is " out of control" because we just allow it...because I spoil her. Sensory seeking behaviors can appear to just be children needing more discipline & structure. John will often say " Man Lauri.. you have spoiled her.. or has she got you wrapped around her little finger". This of course is usually at 5.25 pm, when I just don't have much energy to care anymore. We have good days and bad days.. yesterday was a really bad day. I think what frustrates me is that I give my all... all day long... I start each day fresh and I am always trying new activities and ideas. I vent at dinner what my day was like... and then the fun begins.


My favorite John saying is " You just HAVE to make her listen Lauri".....comments like that make me feel like if only I parented better or different that our day would be a cake walk.. comments like that make me feel like I have failed. So yesterday I did some work around the house for an hour or so and asked John to put Livi to bed. So he was on Livi watch from say 5.30-8... by 7.30... he too was losing it... I heard him exclaim as he was attempting to get her to brush her teeth " Geesh Liv, I just don't want to be yelling at you all the time". After she was In bed.. we talked... how can we parent her better... how can we be more effective... how can we keep her safe and yell less.


It is so easy to say "just make her listen"..... I told John to view her sensory stuff like a disease.. some things she just cant help. You would not punish a child for a disease that they have no control over. Just like I cant force a blind person to see.. I can't seem to parent in a way that " fixes or cures" Livi's behaviors. It just seems to be organic in nature.. it is who she is. I have not given up.. I will still try and I expect better behavior from her.


I can't begin to express how frustrating & exhausting it can be.....Livi is impulsive, lacks focus, wont follow a direction, is busy and hyper, she disregards me and does not listen, she is defiant, demanding....dressing her is a nightmare.... her food insecurity is frustrating. She is also the happiest ray of sunshine I have ever met.. loving and gentle. She is outgoing, smart as a whip, loving, affectionate, and she has the best laugh.


There are some days I have to turn the other cheek... or I would be disciplining non-stop. For my own sanity... I just cant parent that way.


Now give me some Bloggy love...

I am so steaming right now... where to start....so about eight months ago a nurse at my Doctor's office asked me if I wanted to sign up for Mychart.. a online program that allows you to see your lab results and medical appointments online... I signed up for it, checked it out once and basically forgot about it. It is only for appointments from my primary physician and I have only seen her once in nine months, so I did not really get all into the My chart stuff. I go to a endo for my Pit/thyroid /adrenal stuff once a year.... and that is the lab work I am usually most concerned with.


So It has been over a week since my ultrasound and I have not heard from my Doctor. I get an email asking me to check my " My Chart" account but I am unable to log in. So today I call my doctor to find out the results and I leave a message asking to be called with the results. I get a call from the Doctor's office saying if I want my results I need to log into my account... What? excuse me?.. can't someone tell me over the phone? Nope. I explained that I have not been on My chart in over eight months and that I was unable to log in.. all I really wanted were my ultrasound results.

At This point I am assuming that its fine.. that there was nothing serious.. I would really hope that if my gall bladder were about to burst that the Doctor would not simply rely on email alone.. but I really don't know.


I go back & forth.. almost arguing with them at certain points. They will mail me my password and then I can get my results. I ask.. so I have to wait three more days? yes..Is my Doctor that busy that she cant call me?.. her nurse even? What if my email was shut down?... what If I was writhing in pain unable to check my email?... that account was set up ages ago? So this My chart is a replacement for any human contact and personal bedside manner... screw that. That really is screwed up

I had to call the my chart people, spend 10 minutes with them on the phone, Log on to see a email from my doctor... she said that my Humatrope injections could be causing this pain, that my ultrasound was fine and that I should go have more blood drawn to make sure my enzyme levels are not still elevated and it was probably one single gall stone or infected pancreas . If I am feeling better than they will do nothing further.She put the blood work order in... should I fast? beats me... can I email her back? Nope.



I am so pissed right now... that I could not get any answers over the phone. How would you handle this? So much for great bedside manner and personal service.. what gives with Physicians these days?... I need to find a D.O. who accepts my insurance

Too Much graphic Potty info here.... read with caution


I think I can proclaim with confidence that Livi is just about potty trained... she wears her big girl panties all day, on brief errands & outings too. She uses the potty independently. She stays dry .There are a few issues here and there... for instance Livi wears a pull up at nap and a diaper at night. I have noticed that lately she prefers to hold on to her Poop and saves them for her diapered moments. I have not been able to determine if this is as calculated as it seems or is in fact timing. She will poop in the potty... but she always seems to go at nap or night time..... I may have to do away with pull ups to really see if this is a control issue.

Some Questions for those who have btdt ( been there done that)

1. when do we do away with the little potty seat? Remember that what has worked for us is keeping a potty in the same room with Livi... so we have a two pottys and also a little potty seat that fits on the big potty... but Livi never uses the big potty. I know it seems so simple... just do away with the potty seats.. but that is her routine and I am afraid she will regress if I change up her system. I figured I would just start having her use the big potty more often and slowly take away her seat.. or move her potty into the bathroom... or inch it slowly towards the bathroom. My girl does not do well with change.

2. Livi has stayed dry for her naps... but not always. I think its time to begin to do away with nap time pull ups... but when do you attempt night time sans diaper... she is still waking up with a diaper that is good & soaked.


3. How do you get them to wipe themselves properly? I do not want a 8 year old who yells "Mama wipe my butt"..... you would be surprised at how many children I have met that cant or wont wipe their own tushy.

So pour on your perfect potty advice... do you think the pooping during diapered moments is planned by my little sweety?

2 inches in 2 months- from 36 inches to 38 inches ( that has got to be some kind of record.... should I have her Pituitary checked out?)

she lost 1 lb.... she was 32 lbs two months ago and now she is 31 lbs

she is outgrowing her size 3's


My Baby is now a Little Girl

Pics-

Livi last July ( 30 inches tall)

Livi yesterday ( 38 inches tall)

For the new commenter Kim.. Thanks for the great feedback on my shaving cream post.. We do have a water table and dried beans are a favorite around here.... I am always singing the praises of dried beans... I am serious too. Your comment reminded me to get them out of storage.. we usually keep the beans in the water table but have water & sand in the water table for the summer. I will use a dish pan or huge plastic container or even a pool for the beans.. unfortunately our little pool sprouted a leak... not easy to keep stuff inflated with a sensory seeker. So the beans have been out of commission for the summer.. I need to bring them out again.



This activity is from "The Out of sync child has fun" book... Its called Hide & Seek. You hide small toys, trinkets in playdoh... I made them egg shaped and put them in an egg carton. Then you allow your child to unearth the trinkets and sort them in the egg carton. I used small farm animals.. they suggest any small toy or trinket.Livi enjoyed this game.. they recommend this game during dinner prep... I know when Livi is focused on her fine motor skills she manages to stay calm and content for a second... threading cherrios is another fine motor favorite.

Manicures should last more than ten minutes correct??? This is my third manicure..I am not exactly an expert. You see my Mommy friend is really into her nails.. and in an attempt to be a good friend we made appts for manicures while our girls were at respite.. we thought it would be a fun & pampering thing to do. My friend canceled on me this morning.. she and her girls are sick.. so I went ahead and got my manicure because I was kinda looking forward to it.


But the place had no dryer....what the heck.... how do you dry your nails? I opted to go to an Aveda beauty School cause I am a sucker for Aveda stuff...and with a base, two coats and top coat.. my nails smudged slightly when gingerly trying to get my keys, when getting in the car and were done for when getting Livi from Respite... Man.... that was $15 bucks down the tube.. seriously they looked pretty for less than five minutes... I even sat in my car with my nails hovered over my air conditioner for five minutes before getting Livi.


I have come to the conclusion that I really dont like manicures.... I don't like the feeling of someone filing my nails.. the massage and painting is nice.. the filing ... not so much. My only other manicures always lasted and lasted.. but they sat me under a dryer for like 10 minutes.


The only perk if there is a perk is that the school sent me home with little samples of all the stuff they used.. hand cream, cuticle oil, moisture mask... so I can do an at home manicure and save myself the money. My hands are very soft too.


No more beauty school for me... I seriously dont know why I keep going there...

I walked out at 11.05 and by 11.15.. they were all screwed up


less than one hour later.. I am back to where I started

So Livi has been sleeping well in her toddler bed... no more bed time drama. I do think sleeping upstairs was stressing her out.. we are all sleeping soundly now. As you know I am in the middle of switching out her baby themed " Classic Pooh" in favor of a Pastel Princess theme... her bedding arrived today ( the 99 cent ebay deal)and its really cute. I prefer the plain pink side, Livi likes the Barbie Butterly side. As soon as I can motivate John or myself.. painting will comence .. it will be pink & green. We have left over paint from upstairs. I already have the wooden name letters in white to hang with ribbon. Which wall art do you like the best? The crown or little Princess?

It has been my goal to create a better support system and make friends... why is this so difficult? Remember when we were kids and you just walked up to another kid and said " Wanna be my friend?" and then skipped off happily. Let me back up by saying I have always been the type to have one close friend rather than several casual friends. My last close friend passed away from pancreatic cancer in 2002. I have had other friendships before that were severed for one reason or another.When I worked in social services and facilitated a Teen parenting support group...I use to do this curriculum exercise that had Teen Moms identify their support system. My own support system is fine but could be much better.


I guess I am seeking the kind of friendship where I can tell that person everything..share our deepest feelings & frustrations. Have long talks over cups of coffee or cosmos.... maybe get together once a month for a girl day( shopping & spa). Where nothing is too personal to talk about. Politics, Sex and Spirituality are all fair game. I guess that type of connection and trust takes some time to create. Maybe I am too needy?


The Mommy friends I have .. things seem to be just centered on our kids.. which is fine..but I get the feeling that " I am hanging with you cause our kids like eachother vibe"..... It's all good.. our kids play nice and we chat and share and talk about our kids.. Its a good starting place for a friendship... but I long to have a deeper friendship. I have tried little by little... sharing more of myself..being the type of friend I long to have... and I feel like I crossed an invisibile line " hey I like you and all... but dont go there"


I am hopeful and confident that I will one day have that type of friendship again....I just could really use it about now. My dear friend Suzanne set the bar high and not a day goes by that I dont think about her.

What I mean by support system is people that I can turn to, count on and go to for support.


My Support System

Family
John ( My true & original BFF)
Mom ( Just a phone call or email away)
Amy ( always can be counted on to give great advice & support)
Sarah ( she has to like me.. I am married to her brother)
My sisters ( westside gals .. don't see very often... but are a phone call away)



Professionals

Respite staff
Help me Grow service coordinator
Livi's teachers
My new hair gal

Friends

Two Mommy Friends

Email or Long distance friends

about six people I often email and talk to strictly via email


tell me about your support system?

The Out of Sync Child has fun is an amazing activity book for any child..... there are some really fun ideas. I will post pics & activities as I try them out.Today I set Livi up with some shaving cream & play cars... while I knew about shaving cream fun from my preschool teaching days.. I just have not tried it yet. She was hesitant at first to get her hands yucky... but she played contently while I tried to get an early start on supper. I am trying to be more organized in the cooking department, it's often 5.30 and we have been outside all day and we are starving.. then Livi & I end up eating cereal and John eats cheese & pringles... not the best dinner.



So she played and had fun ( this would have been great to do outside, but then again I wanted to be able to get stuff done in the kitchen) When she was done..I then took her and the mat outside and hosed them off. The mat is an old dish strainer mat.. its perfect for playdoh as well.


Dinner prepared- Garlic marinated Chicken skewers/fresh corn and Potatoes for the grill tonight.




John informed me over dinner that I sounded like a spoiled brat in my bitter post... that I should be grateful for what I have and for what My Mom & Sisters did for me... Hello... did he not read the portion where I start out saying how grateful I was??? The post was more about Pap's getting the shaft and then it turned out to be more personal. I never meant to hurt the feelings of those who planned the meet & greet.. as I said.. it was great and we are thankful... it just was not a baby shower. I am at fault for not speaking up... I am so thankful for my family.

Esther wrote a post that really touched me. It brought to life some old bitter feelings about not having a traditional baby shower. Esther who is expecting in every sense and still in the adoption process ,wrote that friends did not want to throw her a shower until after her child was home.... and that is what happened with us.. we had a meet & greet four months after Livi was home and that is wrong for so many reasons. Yes things go wrong with adoptions.. sad but true. Things go wrong with pregnancies as well and yet people still throw pregnant gals baby showers.


I am grateful for the support and lovely meet & greet that was thrown on our behalf last year... but its not nearly the same as a baby shower. I am so grateful for how very generous friends & family were. Please know how grateful we are for all the ways we were supported during the whole process. BUT I never had a baby shower and this is why I am bitter. For starters we had to purchase everything we needed before the trip ( crib,diapers,clothing) and we could have used those thoughtful gifts prior to Trip 2. Livi very well be my only " Baby" and I grieve not getting the chance to celebrate that excitement. I felt that same excitement at referral time that any pregnant Mom experiences and yet I did not get to relish in a shower to honor that I was " expecting".. no cute little pink invitations, no favors, no pin the plane on Siberia shower game that I thought would have been cute. No corsage, special seat, banners, ribbons.... I got nothing even remotely similar to a baby shower. This is not about gifts.. as I commented in Esther's blog.. its about acknowledging that I too was about to become a Mother ( for the first time)


My advice to Friends & Family of soon to be Parents via adoption.... I don't care if its a toddler or teen.. a shower is an important part of welcoming and acknowledging a new arrival. A meet & greet BBQ is not the same thing... its not. This post probably makes me sound like a spoiled brat.


So I am curious ..... How many of you Moms ( adoptive or homegrown) got the baby shower of your dreams... here is your chance to tell us all about it...can any adoptive parents relate to my story... did you miss out on your dream Baby shower?


To be fair .. Our adoption process after referral went very fast. It was a whirlwind and we were very busy. But.... I don't think adoptive parents should have to wait until a referral comes... they are still expecting.


In hindsight I was never really pushy or adamant about having a shower... prior to bringing Livi home I was just so wrapped up in getting that final paperwork ready and preparing to travel, after trip 1 .. I was again doing paperwork and preparing.
Once home we were just dealing with being a new family, Giardia and John being Ill. So.. Its not like I ever said " Hey I want a baby shower please".....That's not really my style. Its kinda one of those things that looking back I can see how much I did want a baby shower... but I think I was just working my way through the process at the moment. I should have voiced my opinion but it really did not come up until after the meet & greet.. and by that time it was too late.

I don't find fault with family who threw the meet & greet.... from their perspective I am sure a meet & greet made perfect sense. In Fact I did ask the shower to be put off until Livi was home.. that was my choice.

I am offically out of the bitter barn and playing in the Hay.... just wanted to vent about some feelings that came up today when reading Esther's post.

Hannah is spending the day with us....... she is such a good baby.. laid back... and easy going.. She is the cutest little thing ever...I just Love her smile. She is the same age now as Livi was when we brought her home..... the same size to.. if not a little bigger. It's been a fun but busy day with two little ones. I somehow managed to get them both to nap for over an hour at the same time.... SCORE

I am so eager to gain a better understanding of these sensory behaviors. I am hoping that at least if I can wrap my brain around it then I will have more patience and stamina to deal with these behaviors when they are disruptive. All children have some sensory issues , grown ups too. I have learned that I tend to run under responsive and have since a child. I can see mild sensory issues in many children... the toddler who does not like water or the feel of grass on her feet. The baby who hates to wear shoes. The child who wont wear jeans because of the snap. The kid who covers his ears in loud places.. all these are sensory related issues.


Children diagnosed with spd just have these issues to a degree that it interferes with daily life. Yesterday I skimmed through most of Sensational Kids- Hope & Help for Children with Sensory Processing Disorder by Lucy Jane Miller. The most validating paragraph for me

"Because the behaviors of sensory seeking children are often perceived as willful, their parents are frequently blamed for not setting limits that onlookers erroneously believe would solve their problems. This perception can produce a sort of mirror effect in the parents: they, too, become socially and emotionally isolated by their child's behavior and eventually come to feel like " BAD" Moms & Dads. "


There is also a helpful section that questions "Is it SPD or ADHD?" .. It breaks down SPD- sensory seeking vs ADHD behaviors. That worry has been swimming in my head as many sensory behaviors can look like adhd behaviors. This book provides strategies to help with behaviors. Great book and now I want to read it more in depth.

Ugghh... I just hate when Livi gets hurt. She is constantly hopping, spinning, thrashing herself into walls, furniture and me.I just want to cover her up in bubble wrap. She just toppled down the two stairs of our landing and has a red welt on her cheek. The other day during a tantrum she threw herself on her bed and banged her head.. huge bruise on her forehead. She fell up the stairs and has a scar on her chin. She often hurts herself just by the sheer fact that she is two and a very active child. Other times she is seeking stimulation and hurting herself. For instance I noticed she recently has started pinching herself while she relaxes. She steps & sits and walks on toys. Things that are pointy & uncomfortable. She was burned by her car seat buckle... and has a scar on her leg...... it was one of those 90 degree days and we were leaving the pool.... I opened up her door and she hopped in, while I went to open the other doors to air out the car and she flipped down the arm rest and the metal buckle rested on her leg and gave her a really bad burn.... yikes... more Mommy Guilt



It's my job to keep her safe.... and while yes not every scraped knee can be avoided.. I feel like I am often failing... miserably. She is supervised... I was right next to her when she fell up and down the stairs. Livi went to respite today and I went to the bookstore and got lost in a book about sensory behaviors. I know she cant help this. All I can do is give her the outlet she needs.

God please help me keep my daughter safe


can anyone relate?

So I am talking on the phone to my big sister today about the whole big girl room... I tell her I want to paint the upper yellow portion of the room a pastel pink to coordinate with the sage green. Her words were " Pink & Green- YUCK" What are you kidding me Renee?.. pink in green is so cute... as seen on this website. It does not matter if its Lime green & hot pink or soft pastels those colors are perfect for a little girls room. Then I started doubting myself.. ever the little sister wondering if the big sis is right... guess what... she is wrong... too bad she does not read this blog.


I told her that it would look cute... just wait & see. To prove my point.. here are some quotes...


"Pink and green make a punchy color pair," designer Peggy Johnston says. "Walk through almost any store and it's easy to see that pink and green is a strong color trend."

"These complementary colors can be formal or funky. Perfect for a girl’s bedroom or a sophisticated retreat under the dormers"

"Both designer and painter believe the palette works for a variety of spaces. "This palette reminds me of a room I had as a child," Kramer says. "I loved it!" She believes pink and green are perfect for a girl's room"

what do you think about Pink & Green for Livi's room? yay or nay?

All is well over here....I feel much better with Livi sleeping downstairs. She did well with yet another transition. Now its time to redecorate & paint her room and make it fit for a princess. I am totally living vicariously through my daughter.. so shoot me. Remember when we decorated we thought for sure we would receive a boy referral so everything was done gender neutral in yellow & green. Today I bought this organza bed canopy... Its very wrinkly of course from being folding up in a itty bitty square package, AND they say not to iron it... hmmmmm. I am going to throw it in the bathroom with the shower running & hope the steam helps. Our garden is thriving, our sweet peas have been the most fruitful. I put Livi to work last night shelling some peas while I started dinner. We have several tomatoes growing and I cant wait for those to ripen. The pumpkin vines are taking over the yard, going into the neighbors yard and sprawling out everywhere......I may have to cut those back.. we will see.


We met with friends yesterday for a picnic.....I just wish that I could stop comparing Livi with her peers. Livi just seems a little more excitable and active than her friends. Well today I have to go to the library and walmart... I know.. what an exciting life I lead.

Speaking of Libraries... do you know I am having a heck of a time finding adoption/attachment books. I went in last week with a list of authors Daniel Hughes,Nancy Thomas,Carol Kranowitz.... and there are no books in the entire system. That stinks.

Ok... so I was not quite ready to have Livi sleep upstairs all by herself afterall. She has been doing great with the transition, although I have not been sleeping well. John was worried about her as well. I was used to checking in on her in the middle of the night during my bathroom trips. I liked having her close by. I was worried... what if she tried to crawl out the window, what if she fell over the stair well ledge ( It's an attic type bedroom with open stairwell) What if she fell down the stairs in the middle of the night. My imagination got the better of me. I knew I had to move her toddler bed downstairs. Maybe if I had a monitor I would feel better... so I could hear her. So I am thinking of painting the yellow part of her nursery pink. We sold her crib today, and Livi still seems to be excited to have her big girl bed in place of her crib. We will see how tonight goes. I will sleep better and I hope she does too.

Veil $2.00

Dress $2.75





Hearing my daughter say " Look at me Mommy... I am so beautiful"- Priceless

Having a dress up outfit, possible bride Halloween costume & even first communion outfit ( If we ever get our heathen butts to church)- an extra perk



Livi is all into brides lately... she loves looking at our wedding pictures.

Without school for Livi , a blogging job or a real schedule this summer... I have not been as organized as I would like. I have skipped meditation class and stopped going to Jazzercise. I am longing for some type of routine again. I have managed to get alot of scrap booking done and I ordered some prints from shutterfly and have been putting pics in Albums. I really want to manage my time better and take better care of my family and myself. I spend way too much time online and reading blogs. I generally want to be more organized ... organize our pantry & closets,and make the most of the storage space in Livi's play room. I want to make lists and check things off and such. I really function best that way but then again something about summer is so carefree and It is kinda nice not having such a planned regimen. Without a schedule I just feel a little lost.I think I want to return to my M & W Jazzercise classes... that would be really something good for me at this point.


I am a little worried that we are raising a little hypocrondriac...Livi has recently begun playing sick " Oh Mama I don't feel good... my belly hurts.. I need Motrin". I only give her Motrin for fever or when she was teething ( which she still is). She has told me this every day for the last week or so. I use to think that children this young did not fake being sick. Usually when she says her belly hurts it means she is constipated ( we have come full circle with our Poop issues)



Livi has also begun saying " Don't hurt me" 100 times a day. While changing her clothes, putting her bib on, wiping her nose and generally any time I touch her she responds with a loud & dramatic " Don't hurt me Mama". I assume she learned this from me.. she has been so rough with me in the past that I was always telling her not to hurt me. We are trying to re-train her to say " please be gentle".



any getting organized tips???

You Guys were right.... It does appear to be my gall bladder. I went to my Doctor last Thursday for that odd "what I imagine to be worse than childbirth " stomach pain I experience in the middle of the night and lasted for six hours. They ran some labs and scheduled an ultrasound for late July. My Doc called today and said it looks as though I did pass a gall stone last week, and something about liver enzymes, bile ducts and my liver & pancreas. It was hard to hear her with Livi screaming "Mama up " in my ear. That child refuses to allow me to have a phone conversation.


Anyway I have to go in tomorrow for a ultrasound.. if there are gall stones I will be getting my gall bladder removed ASAP per my doctor. I am kinda attached to my gall bladder....... its been a good little gall bladder for a long time.. no need to be so hasty all over one night of intense pain. Speaking of pain.......


I no longer have the sharp intense gripping pain... just a dull pain & ache that I have kinda just adjusted to it and its also bothering my upper back between my shoulder blades. It's worse at night... now that I think of it .. prior to the attack last tuesday I was having these vauge issues with my tummy so perhaps this was building up.

I will let you all know what the ultrasound says.... maybe I will even get a little picture to share with you.

Olivia has been napping for three hours... THREE HOURS... I just checked on her to make sure she was breathing.... she is breathing and sleeping peacefully in her big girl bed. I miss her..... I am enjoying the peace and quiet and time to watch anything non-noggin.


Can you believe it? I did give her a 1/2 teaspoon of benadryl earlier because she had some allergy issues and a scratchy sounding voice. We also went to the spray park and she ran around for a good hour so that may have wore her out.


I can get use to this.

Margaret wrote an amazing post today... go check it out and I will wait here... are you done?... good Huh and so true.. dang Maggie why cant I get my point across like that?


I swear if one more person tells me that what I am going through with Livi is just "typical", "normal", or "just a toddler thing" I will go postal on their ass. I just have stopped talking about her issues with most people.... the fact is most people just don't get it or see it. I get the feeling that most people assume I am looking for problems just because she was adopted, as If I want special treatment. The hopping slamming spinning wonder just looks like an excitable active typical toddler.... they don't see those behaviors as sensory issues that are highly disruptive to our day. Those charming behaviors.... just seem so typical to the untrained eye.


I'm usually just seeking a shoulder to cry on, I just want to vent. Sometimes I re-read my posts and it may seem that all I do is complain about her and her behaviors. I am just venting and seeking support. I am trying to make sense of things. Sometimes It does my heart good to hear " That's typical".. sometimes its a relief and other times I think well heck... if this is so typical than why is it so hard.... why are we struggling so much. It can really mess with you.



The only place I have kinda felt more comfortable talking about it with is with other parents of special needs children. There seems to be a general understanding in that circle and I can talk about Sensory processing disorders with out getting the eyes glazed over look. Those Moms just get it... just like most of you get it. Either you have experienced these behaviors or are well read on attachment.


Don't get me wrong.... there is nothing better than being Livi's Mom. She is the most amazing person I have ever met. There is nothing I wont do for her.I am committed to understanding and meeting her needs to the best of my ability... but it is utterly exhausting and I need a place to complain now & then. When I am venting... don't tell me that my mountain is a molehill. Unless I ask you to analyze and offer your insight in a " Is this normal post".... then feel free.

Good News.... we had a drama free night last night.... Thank Goodness... lets hope this trend continues.


So there has been much debate over the new toddler bed. John & I have different opinions on how exactly we should have executed this new transition. Originally it was the plan to move the toddler bed into her nursery around her birthday and get rid of the crib. But then I thought since we have the room upstairs that it would be nice to set it up and allow her to get used to it that way. I figured she could nap in her toddler bed if she was ready and use it as her book & cuddle area. So right away Livi was all excited about her toddler bed and ready to sleep upstairs." No bugs in my big girl bed Mama". She no longer wants to sleep in her crib and I am fine with that. John thinks I created a confusing set up with having two sleeping environments. He has a point....


So now I need to decide if I want to move her toddler bed into her nursery and keep her playroom strictly a playroom or If I want to turn her nursery into a space for myself or a spare bedroom ( It will probably just end up being a junk room in all honesty).. plus all her other bedroom stuff will need to come upstairs. Or I could make her nursery a first floor playroom and get all of her junk out of the family room... but how many playrooms does one princess need? I am ready to sell her crib and baby bedding. I do remember reading somewhere that a child's sleep and play area should be separate.


anyhow.. I will figure that all out soon enough... The good news is that she slept through the night.

We went to visit my niece today... she recently had a baby boy. He is this little itty bitty thing.. tiny but long, he has that fresh baby smell that makes me go crazy. Olivia does not like sharing her Mommy, that is for sure. She is very interested in him, wants to feed him her goldfish and play with him... but he just wants to nap.


I can't get over that My niece is a Mama... I still remember holding her in my arms. Both of my nieces are Moms...really great and together Moms. I am so proud of them

Pics-

My three amigos- Chantelle, Jen and Zac on My wedding day

I was tagged by Tonya. I am supposed to discuss 4 new things I've experienced in the last 4 years and 4 new things I hope to experience in the next 4 years.


In the last four years I have:

Married my best friend

I experienced the grief of failed Infertility treatments. (IVF)

Traveled the bumpy road of Adoption & Gone to Russia ( twice)

I Became a Mother to Olivia Grace



In the next four years I hope to :

Get My Reiki level 3 certification

re-enter the workforce part time & Go back to school

purchase a home with a bigger kitchen & yard in my favorite community.

continue to grow spiritually, mentally and emotionally, while keeping myself in the best physical shape and tip- top health.


Today I saw my old car.... I just knew it was my old car... in the same area as the lot we traded it, same little dings & dents. That was my first brand new car that I ever purchased 6 years ago. It was a cobalt blue little number, sporty and cute. Today as I sat outside Panera drinking my ice tea.. I stared at the car and thought about the old Lauri and the life I had when I owned that car. I remember at that point wanting so badly what I have now. It was a great reminder to be grateful.

I remember my on again- off again boyfriend at the time giving me a hard time for leasing my car for 5 years... he was concerned with the amount I would owe at trade in time. I clearly remember saying " Five years from now I will be married and a Mom and be in different circumstances... it will all work out just fine"... and you know what it was fine... exactly five years later I was married and trading in my sporty car for a Mom car. I knew then and long before that this particular commitment phobic boyfriend was not the one for me.. shortly after that I met John and the rest is history


I have always had this optimisim that can frustrate some people... but I just trust that good things will occur in my life... sure there has been grief and pain... unfair " why me?" moments... but its all a part of the journey.


Now I am supposed to Tag four other people( too lazy to link )

Esther

Amy C

Christian & Frank

Kate from Russia

I won this bedding for 99 cents....is that not an amazing deal?.. comforter, sheets, pillowcase..... all for a buck.. plus $6 shipping ( for those of you like John who will say .. ok then you got all that for $6.99.) I love that the quilt is reversible and plain pink on one side. It's obviously not as well made as the all cotton pottery barn products.... this set is probably cheap... but since its temporary and for her toddler bed.. why spend all that money when she will move into a twin bed soon anyway. John you should be jumping for joy because the pottery barn bedding I wanted was much, much , much more expensive. You are so lucky to have such a bargain hunting wife.




I was simply browsing toddler bedding on ebay.. just wanting something pink & cute to match her playroom. I placed a low bid and forgot about it.. figuring I would not win. Cool beans... I cant wait to get it... Livi will be so excited. She slept in her big girl room all by herself last night.. still woke up screaming at 5 am ( seriously what is up with that waking up screaming ? what happened to my happy morning girl?) but she loves her new room. I am having visions of turning her nursery into my own private meditation retreat/office this fall.


I was tagged by Tonya and I will get to that later today..... I just wanted to share my amazing ebay find.... This has got to be my best deal on ebay to date.

I was wondering how much praise is too much when it comes to our children?... when does it become an issue. Can too much praise be an issue? Can you praise your child to much? Last night Livi woke up and was awake screaming from 1-1.30... this business of screaming was ending and a showdown would ensue.. much to John's dismay who kept asking me to wait until friday. It was a brief showdown, I got firm and meant business and Livi stopped screaming. I got up to go back in her room a few minutes after she was calm and quiet.I wanted to tell her I was proud that she made a good choice to stop screaming. I told her I loved her and would see her in the morning.


John & I had a mini discussion at how I was firm & should have left things as they were... but I wanted to end things on a positive note. It's not that I felt guilty.. my tone and actions were appropriate for the situation... she was being a stinker and I felt that she had plenty of light with her nightlight. I really wanted to praise her for doing a good job... but I am wondering if she just needed to be left alone at that point.. to think that yes Mama is upset with her behavior.


John said " Lauri you cant be her best friend".... sometimes you have to be the bad guy too.

It just made me think... what is your view on praise?

I feel that in an average day I praise often " Good job" ... " Great Choice" .. ".... "That's my big girl" ... " way to listen"...... and Livi seeks praise as well.

Interesting article on Praise
This well done article brings up a few of my concerns... I will write more about this later as well

enter angelic harp music here..... That's my girl sleeping in her big girl bed... she makes me so proud.


So thanks for all the feedback on My tummy pain... I am waiting for my Doctor to call me back.. her nurse asked me a bunch of questions. I still feel all bloated & uncomfortable but the sharp pains have subsided. My instincts tell me this is gall bladder related. I dont know why. I just hope it subsides all on its own.

Yesterday we introduced Livi to her big girl bed... excited does not begin to describe it. It was my intention to just let her nap upstairs and let that be her new cuddle book area, but she wanted to sleep upstairs last night. I was up for trying it. She was too excited to sleep... she tossed and turned for almost two hours... I was going up to check on her every few minutes.. she stayed in her bed but with the newness of it all... she was not sleeping. I was so proud of her for being so brave sleeping in a new room... but finally at 10 pm and a huge screaming fit she was back in her crib. This child is up at 5.30-6 no matter what time she goes to bed and she needs her sleep.


We have been having a power struggle with the hall light.... it's so silly really... she wants the hall light on and then she wants her door closed ( cause Duh the light is in her eyes) but... she wants to see the light a little beneath the crack in the door.The problem is the hall light shines so brightly into our room and beneath our door that it looks like an alien invasion. So after she falls asleep I turn the hall light off... but if she rolls over in the middle of the night... 1- 3- 6 am.... respectively.. she screams " LIGHT ON" and has a major fit.


She does have a high powered night light in her room and I am searching for a small lamp... I am not sleeping with that dang hall light on... end of story.


so I have had this weird tummy pain... the other day it felt as if someone just pumped me full of air... I felt bloated , burpy and yucky.. ate nothing all day.. drank lots of water and then wolfed down dinner because I was starving from not eating all day.

Last night I get this griping vice like pain right in my tummy/between my ribs and below my sternum. It would come in phases... intensify and go away only to come back over and over all night long.... made it hard to breathe and felt like a squeezing pain. Its still going strong but not as bad as last night


I did some research and one thing that stuck was perhaps gall stones?? I have no clue.. I just know that it hurts and it sucks... I will head to the doctor if its not better by tomorrow... any insight?

Dang, Dang its so hot today..... I am out on the deck sweating my butt off.. ( gotta love this wireless system John hooked me up with) I would go to the pool but that would take effort.. like gathering stuff and lifting Livi in to her car seat and all.... and that would make me sweat....It's just so hot... Livi is running around naked... because its to dang hot to bother with a swim suit. I am totally not a lazy person.. but I dont feel like doing a thing in this heat.Our poor old Central air system is working overtime... I am so thankful that we have CA. Thank God for small favors.



I am cranky too.. must just be the weather and going around.. I had a play date yesterday and as John put it "I sent my only friend away in tears"... long story but all seems to be well... we are scheduled to go get manicures together in a few weeks.



Pics- Livi with her Bff's at yesterdays playdate & a pic I just snapped .. bless her soul with her little float & sprinkler.

Chatter box

Livi is talking so much.... you may say that she talks non-stop.. Good Lord help me


This is the exact conversation that just occured as I was making breakfast and during breakfast

Mama is making eggs

eggs, eggs, eggs

Mama are you making grilled cheese? ( as I am buttering toast)

Yummy in my tummy grilled cheese


Grilled cheese... grilled cheese.. Yay grilled cheese

Mama I need my bib... not the green one.. I want the red one.. the red one.. red one please... red bib

bib on... bib on.. bib on please

Put my bib on

Mama I cleaned up my Legos


eggs are hot

can I have yougurt please

ummmmm bacon.......

not bacon... ham

its not hot anymore

Mama can I have cheese... grilled cheese please


chocolate ice cream please

I want chocolate ice cream

not time for chocolate ice cream right?

I set up Livi's toddler bed in her playroom yesterday... this will be her bedroom in the near future ( once we can trust her to sleep up there alone)... I figured I can start letting her nap upstairs. I have been scouring ebay for new bedding... then I came across a netting canopy to put over the bed and then I decided I wanted shelves to display her nice dolls.. then I got the bright idea to go looking on Pottery barns website for bedding..don't do this...


We don't really need special toddler bedding.... Livi has several girly pink blankets, sheets, pillow cases... she does not need a whole collection of perfectly matched bedding when our comforter is falling apart. I do like the canopy netting though and I may purchase that.... common sense wins on the other stuff ... unless I happen to get a really really great price on ebay.


It's not like I just did not spend a small fortune to decorate her nursery in the entire Classic Pooh theme... we have everything classic pooh.... wall art, shelves, mobile, tapestry, book ends, quilt- and until I sell off that stuff I cant justify spending more money on toddler bedding... but its so fun to window shop

I always had this vision that I would age gracefully.... I had visions of myself looking smashing... in style..I have always had the luck of looking much younger than my age.. then last year something happened... weird things started happening with my neck skin... my hands look older and I started getting Melasma... these dark patches on my face under my eyes ( most likley from all those IVF hormones) and this summer a few have joined them on my upper lip.... great a melanin mustache... that is just friggin great. I high tailed it to my doctor who prescribed the highest strength 4% hydroquinone cream. This cream I just learned on Wikipedia comes from the belly of beetles.. can that possibly be right.. eww yuck.


I have spent money on expensive MAC concealer and my malasma spots laugh at my attempts to cover them. Luckily... If I can put a positive spin on having Malasma... I have freckles... lots of them.... so they kind of help the other spots blend.


ugghhhh.... this just sucks....

Re- Parenting


A few months ago..... it became clear that we needed to make changes with the way we parented. We were seeing more & more bratty behaviors. Livi was becoming quite the demanding little diva and It was time to do a few things differently. It was our fault really... we had more or less trained her this way. It was time to parent her the way our common sense told us to and to put the attachment stuff on the back burner. She is clearly attached.. sure she has some issues and a deep affection for our neighbor Bob... but she is also clingy in front of others and she knows who her parents are.


When we first came home we practiced attachment parenting..... we were the only ones to meet her needs, we responded to her very quickly, we met all of her needs in a timley fashion, she had a set routine and we were at her beck and call. We had to teach her to respond to pain and planted kisses & hugs on her for each and every little fall or scrape. We practiced holding time, time in's and we were very sensitive to her PI needs. Those tactics served us well but it was time to make changes. I would not do anything differently looking back... I really think all those attachment tools are so helpful within the first 6-12 months home.


So we have made a few changes and Livi has responded very well. She has great manners, is pleasant to be around and besides for typical toddler whining, antsy behaviors and interrupting... she is a well behaved and very active little girl. She can still wear me out, she still pushes my buttons and tests any limits...but she is doing so much better now that I have been a more firm & consistant parent. I am no longer wavering.. well not as much as I used to.



How about you? have you made any changes in the way you parent after signs of attachment? anything you would do differently?

We spent another afternoon at the pool... Livi is so tan that when I apply sunblock it turns gray & ashy on her skin. We love the water. Livi thinks rest period is snack time. Swimming makes her hungry I guess. I hope you all are having a great weekend..

Hi Everyone,

I cant get my title bar to work??? What gives blogger?


We dragged John kicking & screaming to join us at the pool yesterday... my husband.. ever the pessimist... " Oh its going to be sooooo crowded"..... " what will it cost".. he complained the whole way... when we pulled up " Oh look its not even open"


We practially had the whole pool to ourselves and they did not charge John admission... Livi & I are such regulars that they probably figured he had a pass as well. We had a great time and John is even talking of wanting to go again today.


Livi is growing up so fast.. this morning she looks even older to me. Potty training in the summer is really the way to go... its so much easier because she can run around in her cotton undies. While I was out running errands John accidently put Livi down for a nap without changing her into a diaper and she stayed dry during her nap. She is doing really well.... pooping in the potty and everything ( when she is not having tummy issues)


I think I will look back on all these summer pics and always remember that this is the summer we potty trained her because she is only wearing a top in most pics or no clothes at all.... she loves running around buck naked in the back yard.We have been really consistant & steadfast with our bedtime routine and things are getting better... she is no longer screaming at night and we have a new routine.


Livi is dressing herself and is very independent these days.. makes things easier for me that is for sure. She was always really hard to dress... I know that sounds really silly... but something about her muscle tone.. dressing her has always been a battle... especially bending her arms & legs into winter clothes. It was always a workout. I can now send her to go grab a pull up and she can pick out her own outfit from her dresser.


That's about it for now... we are off for sunday breakfast...

updated to add a new pic of Livi on her balance beam John just made for her & the outfit she picked out all by herself ( not bad Liv)

The quotes below are from the Dr. Federici website. I found that the 50% more parenting point really struck a cord and perhaps validated something within me. I questioned awhile back if parenting PI children was more intense/harder than parenting a homegrown child.... I thought this was an interesting article.. if you have time to read the whole thing.. its worth it. Any Thoughts? Do you agree that PI children need 50% more parenting?


"Children of all types need supervision, support and education in a non-threatening and consistent manner with post-institutionalized children needing 50% more parenting than one had intended to give. Offering this level of intensity can be a cumbersome and overwhelming task, but it is the deep commitment that parents make to their child, whether biological or adopted, promotes the most optimal outcome."

"Early assessment is the key, and problems need to be assessed the moment they arise. It has been very common in our society to view children as being able to "learn on their own and become independent" and, in no way, be overly controlled. The post-institutionalized child has already "learned on their own and was raised independent"—but not in the ways that we see as healthy. Therefore, teaching parents how to work at the level of the child is of paramount importance.Success in parenting is driven by experience but, most importantly, proper understanding".

We picked John up from work and took him to check on his car in the shop...
Livi & I are waiting in the car and Livi says to me very dramatically " Oh Mama...My belly is Soooooooo hungry" ... ok Livi... soon we will be home and I will make dinner. She had a very late lunch ( 3 ish) and it was only 4.30... so I knew she was not starving.


She is going on and on..... and It's then that I notice the Golden Arches that are looming over us... the mechanic shop is next to McDonald's. So I play along as Livi laments.... "Oh Mama I'm so hungry" ..."My belly wants a sandwich and brench bries ( french fries)"


I was blown away at her round about way of asking to go to McDonald's.... its almost as if she wanted it to be my idea and she was just hinting at it.


Good Try Livi

Thanks for the kind words.... yesterday was a really fun & busy day. Some days I knock myself out trying to provide Livi with the end all be all childhood summer experiences...... I really do strive to be the best Mama... but like I said.. we all have our moments.


Summer is much easier for us to deal with her sensory seeking behaviors, with plenty of opportunity for her to move and run. Lately her self stimulating behaviors have been troubling .They have increased when I expected them to decrease. These include pinching herself, stepping or sitting on hard objects, pushing toys ( barbies hand, a pointy edge of a toy) into her tender skin. She seems to exhibit most of these behaviors during down time.. like relaxing to watch a dvd... its like she needs to feel her body at all times... if she is not physically moving she has to have some contact and pressure on her skin... its very frustrating. It's common to find her teetering on the roof of her play house, or standing painfully on a pile of Lego's, or pushing the edge of a pointy book into her thigh.


I feel like I am constantly just trying to keep her safe while giving her an outlet to safely get the input she needs.



Any Ot's out there? Any advice? I know she needs to do this and can't help it... but after spending all day outdoors, running, swimming, climbing, hopping... giving her all that input.. she is still seeking stimulation. Is it any wonder I am beat by 5.30-6 everyday?


I have been thinking about adoption lately... I really feel in my heart that we are meant to adopt again... an older child...someday.... It's one of those deep nagging things.. wondering how we would do it again.. will we adopt again?... how would we afford it?... Then I came across this amazing blog today. I read the whole Leeda's story update .... and at the end they mentioned something about Hosting .... and something clicked with me. We will see...

That my friends is the exact time that I officially lost my marbles today.. we all have our breaking points... some days I hold out until 6 or 7... It's at this time of the day that I don't know how I will make it until bedtime. When I am just exhausted sweaty.. covered in toddler hand prints and in need of a break.

6 am Livi is awake screaming her head off

7-8.30 play upstairs in playroom before it gets too hot

8.30-9 breakfast

9 am Library & grocery store... Livi has a full blown tantrum in the store.. I get stared at.... wtf people... really must you stare?


10.15-11.30 am.. played outside, filled up the pool, pulled weeds & tended to the garden & roses.


11.30-12.30 Livi napped... I did some laundry & housework

12.30-1 lunch

1.30-3.30 swimming, spraypark and playground

3.30- Livi burned her thigh on her car seat buckle.... yikes.... it's really bad & blistery.. I am buying a new car seat pronto... she is getting to big for hers anyway.

4pm home, change clothes, tend to Livi's burn... make dinner

5pm dinner time- fresh Ravioli w/marinara, salad, bread & butter- John refuses salad I made especially for him.... Livi however has a good appetite from swimming. I get the bright idea to give her a fudge pop for dessert... on a 80 degree day. She enjoyed it

5.30 Playing outside... Livi is on my last nerve.. going to areas where I cannot see her.... pushing my buttons... I have very little left to give at this point.. I am hot sweaty and need to shower. I am reprimanding her and John is reprimanding me because God forbid the neighbors hear me yelling at my own child.


John picks this time... to tell me in front of Livi that I am that one Mom on the street that you can hear eight houses down and that all I do is yell at her... he is lucky there was nothing sharp nearby ( Gee officer.. I really don't know what happened... you know those gardening shears can be quite dangerous)




5.35- I am done.... tired does not begin to describe it... I am off to put on a sing along dvd for Livi, shower and perhaps fix myself a cosmo. Today was a really fun & busy day

So we have had some sleep issues latley.... they all started a month or so ago. Prior to that we had the kind of ideal bedtimes that you read of in storybooks.. We had a easy breezy bedtime system... I would read to her, put her to bed,kiss her goodnight and leave the room... get this...she would sleep.



It all started innocently enough.... after the blood curdling screams & spider incident.. I brought Livi to bed with me... at first her fear was genuine.. but then she started playing me. She figured out a system: I scream... louder and louder.. Mama comes to me .. I get attention.. and I get to sleep with Mama.. S W E E T


I was naive enough to think I could bring her to bed with me now & then and that it would not upset her bedtime routine. Now Livi starts around 6.30pm asking to sleep in My bed... I tell her that she must sleep in her bed.. so she then asks if I will leave the light on.. to which I answer yes... then she wants me to rock her.. and sing to her and sit with her... God forbid I leave her room.... she starts her show.. screaming her little head off.... and this is no little cry... I am talking that blood curdling wail that toddlers have.


John has a sensible no-nonsense approach... he is totally on to her..... I am mush... she can turn her scream up an octave that can trigger some Mommy hormone that takes all my strength not to go and pick her up. How in the world did this happen?



So now we are back to basics, we are making her sleep in her own crib and Livi has decided to wage war... she screamed on & off for over an hour last night.... we have been able to get her to relax and sleep in her bed... the problem... the moment she pops opens her eyes in the morning.. anywhere from 4.30-6 am.... she screams her head off... so I am happily in dream land when I am awoken with the worst possible scream you can imagine.... that is no way to wake up.


I go into her room.... tell her no screaming.. and ask her to use her words " Mom I am awake.. can I come snuggle with you" and I leave her room and the screaming continues... when she is calm I bring her to bed with me.


So how are things with you all?


Our sippy cup collection ( see I told you I had every sippy cup made)

Hi All...


Thanks for all the sippy cup feedback... I am now really interested in the Kleen Kanteen. Livi is at a really fun age.. dress up, tea parties and make believe pretend are all a part of our day.. what cracks me up is she wants to wear every single peice of dress up clothing she owns.. and she has to top it with her " Step Mother shawl" thats what she calls it.. but It's hot in the play room.. the central air does not quite make it upstairs and poor thing is sweaty but loves wearing her dress up clothes and witch hat.


I find her in her book tent more and more these days... especially when its close to nap time... she will crawl inside, cuddle in her pillows and occupy herself with her books. This does my heart good.. because I adore books and I want her to as well.


She applauds every time I use the bathroom... if she is with me.. I get a " yay Mommy.. Good girl Mommy... Good job". Too cute

Tonight I think we are forgoing the fireworks... we may change our minds... but I dont think Livi can stay up for them yet.

Pics


Livi in her book tent

Dress up fun

Livi giving Baby S a smooch..( Babushka is holding Baby S)

I dont use the word " HATE" often... but I do hate me some sippy cups..... they get so gross and dirty.... I was bleaching the valves and spilled bleach on my new summer dress.... I only wore that dress twice... its done for. Livi is always leaving her cup on the floor, and I am trying to train her to put her cup on the table or sink when she is done.. and they are always leaking.... when they are supposed to be spill proof..... I have tried every possible brand and type of sippy cup... they are a huge waste of money... Livi has bitten off rubbery tips, some the valves fall loose, others get so moldy and stuff gets trapped, others take a degree in rocket science to figure out how to put together , others dont hold enough ounces for my child.


I am always on the lookout for a new and better cup..... I just bought some new take & toss cups... valve freee.... but Livi shakes it and sends milk flying everywhere... not leak proof... as if there is such a thing



Livi would drink all day if you let her.... this is a true story... on one of our first outings I prepare her a 12 oz cup of diluted juice for a picnic... I hand it to her and shift into reverse and by the time I am at the end of our short driveway.... she has sucked it dry and tossed it at my head...... Fuck... that was meant for her lunch... now what?





My favorite if I have to pick one is the playtex insulater princess cup... this seems to hold to some type of sippy cup standard



Our sippy cups holds 9-12 oz

Livi gets about 6 to 8 oz of Juice a day

average 20 oz of 2 % milk a day

Our Sippy Cup usage diary


6.30am sippy cup of Milk upon waking ( yes Livi is still up everyday at 6.30)

8-9 am- sippy of water with breakfast ( she almost never drinks water)

10-10.30 Sippy cup of diluted juice with snack

12- sippy cup of water with Lunch

2- sippy cup of Chocolate milk w/snack

4pm- sippy of diluted juice

5- sippy cup of water with dinner

7-7.30- sippy cup of Milk with evening snack

I have been singing to Olivia since Russia... we have about three songs that we sing at bedtime or cuddle time.. last night she was laying in bed with me for a little while... cuddling into me, looking in my eye and stroking my cheek . She then attempted to sing something to me.... I could not understand what she was saying and she started over and over from the start.She was stuttering and struggling trying hard to get her message across.. it was clear that she really wanted to tell me something.. I kept smiling and trying to undestand what she was trying to say/sing. Finally she said " Mama sing the Cinderella song"


She was attempting to sing to me " A dream is a wish your heart makes" ..... she wanted to know how it went and I would sing the first line to her and she would lovingly sing it back to me. It was a very tender moment and My eyes got all teary.


I would sing that song to her in Russia... through crying fits, when she pushed me away, hit me in the face, I sing it to her when she is sick, when she is scared and now my baby was singing it back to me. That has got to be one of the sweetest moments in recent history.

I told you she was smart... counting and everything

I saw the Movie " Evening" yesterday..... beautiful setting, some of my favorite actresses... and eye candy & object of my lusting Patrick Wilson, but overall not the best movie... it had great intentions and was basically about an dying Old Woman reflecting on her life, regrets and mistakes.....


The sum of the movie is that there is no such thing as mistakes ... I truly do believe in all that.... but I also think you have to take an active role in your happiness.... you can't just sit around.. letting life pass you by and expecting oppourtunity to knock down your door. You also cant step on people on your way and not have any consequences. If your not happy you have to do something about it. I don't like to dwell on regrets.

Boy have I made mistakes and I do have regrets.... I am in the mood to hunt down anyone I have wronged or who has wronged me... attempt to make ammends and have my say.... there are just some people I will never cross paths with in my day to day routine... move 30 miles away from everyone else and your not bound to bounce into anyone you went to highschool with.... In our state there is a clear divide between the west and eastsiders.... not so much of a divide.. but some eastsiders never venture west and vice versa... I am a westsider who moved east.



I am all about making my life all it can be.... living a fufilled and content life. Staying in the moment.. thinking positive.. I try not to make room for regrets or focus on my mistakes... but that movie brought alot of old feelings to the surface..... just got me to thinking today.... I'm not sure how much of that made sense at all... I am sleep deprived over here.... just feeling thinky today

I added a pink bar over certain text for privacy reasons... At this point the first portion of Livi's life book reads like a story book.. age appropriate for a preschooler. It starts with " Once upon a time.... there was a couple who wanted to love a child"...... we say that while we were praying for a child, a young Mother far away in Russia was also praying... and God answered our prayers. It's very simplistic at this stage... we will add to it and update it as Livi gets older and needs more detail. I am in the process of adding pages & pics about her region, more orphanage pics, specific pages about her birth parents ( names & everything I know ) and I plan to add the journal entries from her caretakers and translations ( Thanks Kate & Maggie for helping with that a while back). I feel very fortunate to have little notes from her caretakers.

Livi has been showing this new behavior that is bothering me and once again.. I find myself asking if this is normal? It's in the same vein as Mommy shopping...I will start with her interest in our neighbor Bob. Our homes are tract homes.. very close together. As soon as our neighbor arrives home from work.... Livi starts talking to him, stalking him if you will. "Bob.. Hi Bob.. what are you doing... Bob.. where are you going.. come back Bob.. Come here Bob.. Look what I can do Bob... HEY BOB"... IT NEVER STOPS...... really. She will do a triple cow sow into her pool... hey Bob.. watch me Bob..... BOB, BOB, BOB......We have asked her to just say Hello to him once and then let him do his yard work or relax. We become invisible when Bob is home... and of course he is a good sport and very grandfatherly towards her... patient.. " Hi Olivia.. what Olivia.. yes Olivia" ...


Livi is relentless in her pursuit of Bob's attention.. she appears starved for attention. She will not leave him alone no matter how many times I intervene or redirect. If I bring her inside... she is inside at the slider.. crying for Bob. If I take her to her room.. she still cries for Bob.

I pull her on to my lap, demand eye contact, talk to her about her behavior... and seconds later she is back doing it again. The same thing happened at Party.... she usually picks one familar person to bestow her affection and starts with attention seeking behavior. She starts yelling their name at the dinner table, interrupting, anything to get their attention.


Frankly this concerns me... she just seems to be doing anything for attention and even pushes me away.


What are your thoughts? How would you handle this? Is this typical?


I am off to see a Movie today... I am leaving Livi in John's capable hands and getting lost in a good chick flick ( Evening)